Monday, February 15, 2010

Finding Love

It's not technically Valentines Day as it is now 12:03, February 15. Regardless, I am writing about love. Tonight I logged into OkCupid, the cheap/free dating site I pretty much abandoned a year ago, maybe it was shingles who left the bitter taste in my mouth or rather the abundance of trolls on the site. I checked messages I've dutifully ignored, one from a gentleman using the wrong tense of there with multiple mis-spelled words on his profile, delete and a handful of other losers. Literally. I won't lie, part of me thinks that some day when I least expect it I'll meet my "Danny" as Shauna did, but realistically for a site I put next to no effort into I shouldn't have such expectations.

My love life can be described as silent. Not uncharastic for me. Not even a humm. Last year I was sort of dating shingles boy, we didn't talk on Vday, the relationship had already faded. My interest had dwindled. After that was my PBR night, leaving a sour taste in my mouth. I sort of see myself as perpetually single. It's funny I have a difficult time imagining myself in a relationship. I'm oddly happy in my single state. Still attempting to love myself.

Do I believe in love? I am not entirely sure. I know the love I feel for friends, my kitties, the joys in life and my family. Does love exist? I guess. Valentines Day all the professing of love seems to come out of the woodwork. People tweet about their significant others, friends and families. It seems the holiday has morphed, many stating that they don't acknowledge the holiday because of the many years they spent hating the holiday when they were single. Ironically I don't have valentines day. In the past I did. Today, was just another day. Brunch with S, stopped by the Disc Center to see N, movie with R & M (plus Mr. C) and now I'm up thinking about things (which is ok because I don't have to work tomorrow).

Walking to my car from the movie, Myra and I spotted a leg belonging to a barbie doll in the parking lot. I immediately recognized the leg. A few hours later I am wasting time on Facebook, I happen to look at my childhood friend's profile who I spent countless hours playing barbies with, she's engaged. Many moons ago if you had asked, undoubtly we'd be each others maids of honor, today we are strangers. That barbie leg however was a connection, we even had a room dedicated to such play. So many times we had the barbies walk "down the aisle," I believe I even had a wedding dress. Developmentally I didn't quite grasp the concept of love. Here and now I turly wonder how much I have progressed.

My free will astrology horoscope says this:
In my view, 2010 is the year you should expand your world. That could mean enlarging your circle of allies or building a bigger web of connections. It might mean broadening your appeal or widening your frame of reference or opening your mind to possibilities you've been closed to. It may even involve extending your territory or increasing the range of your travels. However you choose to expand, Taurus, I urge you to put love at the heart of your efforts. Love should be the fuel that motivates you and the reference point that ensures you're always making smart moves. For inspiration, memorize this line by poet Elizabeth Barrett Browning: "I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach." In your case, Taurus, "thee" should mean the whole world. Happy Valentine Daze!

Interesting that it's not about loving someone else or a romantic relationship, rather loving myself and the world. Travel- increasing the range of my travels. France. It's where my heart is right now. So much so I am having a difficult time focusing on the here and now.

And this statement, has me thinking about love:
My Taurus friend Jill had a dream in which she stopped by a blackberry bush on a summer afternoon. All the ripe blackberries were too high on the bush, just out of reach. She stood there gazing longingly up at them for a long time. Finally three people in medieval garb came by, as if having stepped out of a deck of Tarot cards -- a warrior, magician, and priestess. "I really want those blackberries," she said to them. "Could you give me a boost?" They stooped down to make their backs available. She climbed up, but still couldn't reach the berries. "Oh well, we tried," she said. "Follow us," said the priestess, and she did. After a while they came to another bush whose blackberries were lower and easy to pluck. Then the four shared the feast. After analyzing the omens for 2010, Taurus, I've come to the conclusion that Jill's dream is an apt metaphor for your best possible destiny in 2010.

1 comment:

Felice said...

They say that you find love when you're not looking. I wonder if you believe in that or not.

In due time, you'll find someone who will complete you 100%.

Just believe it. =) You're a sweet person and whoever ends up with you will be lucky!