Thursday, August 28, 2008

You Had Me at "Hello"

My heart is fluttering and yes its because of a man. Not just any man. He's making history. He's ready to change the world and give us hope. I've never felt so inspired by a political candidate, I want him to be President, he makes me believe in a country where equality of all kinds is possible. It's fate that it is the 45th anniversary of another great person's dream. This man is part of a team, a team that is destined for greatness, I can feel it. Barack Obama, you gave me chills tonight, thank you for believing in our country, in making a difference.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

A Bit of Peace

This past week was not good. I don't really want to blog about the events leading to the lovely lillies on my desk at work, however the re-set button was pushed big time. I've been writing quite a bit about the balance between me time and my "busy" life. Monday I was in no mood to do anything, I watched Breakfast at Tiffany's, my favorite comfort movie. I on purpose didn't schedule anything. I started to run at the gym but didn't feel good so I called K asked if she wanted to make dinner together, we did, it was nice- watched some family guy and relaxed. Wednesday I found myself having another night alone, not quite ready for the gym, I played some Wow, more me time. Thursday the sun came out, I was feeling good so S joined me for a fantastic walk to Golden Gardens, we had a great talk and I got some exercise in with a nightcap at Carla's. Then I found out the Sam was coming for a spur of the moment visit plus so was J, I was excited to see both of them. I knew I had some major cleaning to do but had volunteered to walk Fifa which was really lovely and then had some sushi with K who also helped me with cleaning.

This weekend even having my out of town guests has been relaxing. We've walked a TON, including a long walk at Alki in the lovely summer heat and to Ballard and back several times. Today was really the perfect day. I slept in, much needed! Then walked to the farmers market, had some coffee from Verite, bought produce then did some errands together, picked blackberries for crisp and made dinner. I really enjoyed making dinner tonight with Sam, I've missed cooking, sharing making food together, talking while preparing food etc. It was super easy and healthy. I'm beginning to wonder if I really do like living alone? Do I need to bring more people into my home more often? I cherish my alone time, my secret single behaviors and having my own space. However, I miss sharing certain things with other people in my home. Home feels like home with them here, having dinner, now relaxing, doing our own things- reading, playing computer games etc. I know my own internal issues are mine to process myself however I need to bring people in more into my world rather than keep my home and social life separate. Finding balance is key. Working out (I also do miss my walks!), being social, my own personal activities (wow, reading, cooking/baking) all are crucial to keeping myself in check, neither extreme is all that good. Right now I feel peaceful, for once it feels good and right having some solace.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Working in Strides

This week was focused on bringing the gym back, it's not quite as much about bringing sexy back, although I do still check the calories burned and for sure want those 10lbs gone. It's about bringing me back. I want to run, feel healthy again and have that time to just be. I made it to the gym 4x this week, I bonded with the treadmill. I took Friday off for block party, today I need to head there in a bit since our hike was canceled and I'm bringing my work out stuff to Bellingham so I can go for a jog with M. I feel more focused, centered and in balance. I'm paying more attention to what I eat, not just this looks good so I'll eat it rather watching my calorie intake and eating more fruits/veggies. I've talked to a couple of seasoned runners about doing some runs, T gave me some good advice about the treadmill. Running is going to be MY thing. I'm at a different place than I was a year ago, my body is healthier, fit, I have to re-align my goals. My attitude needs adjusting too, N sent a great article about keeping it positive, its just as important as the actual work out. So true. I'm on the cusp of change and I like it!

Sunday, August 3, 2008

What Makes Me Tick

I keep talking about a shake up- there's something missing, yeah the job/work situation could be better, a significant other/more active dating life and home isn't quite right. The idea of Austin still resides in the back of my head. Moving abroad to Europe- possibly.

Some individuals- M & K especially don't think I should leave Seattle, thats not the solution. My life here is busy, I'm actually too busy- barely enough time to take care of the necessities. So what makes me tick? I'm not quite sure. Maybe thats the problem, not knowing my purpose.

This weekend was spent mostly with the "old" friends- J & M with a bit of seeing K & N, the new friends and randomly running into S twice in 24 hours! Both J & M have made big changes in their lives (Bham/school for M & MN/marriage for J) but we manage to continue to be "good" friends, I know both of them really well, trust them, care about them, in some ways they are my family. I brought laundry to J's mom's house & we had "family" dinner; M and I, well its complicated, but we easily fall into a routine together, It's comfortable. In someways they make me tick, my life depends on others to make me happy, which isn't how it should be.

"Community" it was the buzz word in college, we still laugh about that word, however I do have one here. Seeing S around town was evidence of my newly formed Seattle community. M said he never had that here, I for sure didn't for a long time. Community does make me tick- my activities reflect my interests. However my soul isn't here. I'm not really sure where my soul resides. I fill up my calendar- each weekend is full literally: next block party/hiking/Bellingham, the following weekend teamworks, then Victoria/camping with M, then labor day weekend Jess/Bumbershoot?, beach camping and then Austin in September! Weeks fill up easily with different social events. Gym and dieting have taken a backseat in my life, however I seemed to be happier when I went to the gym on a regular basis- body image continues to be a struggle- I'm trying to overcome it, but its a long uphill battle.

I'm trying to face fears/obstacles- but its a battle, my anxiety for sure gets in the way, the belief in my head that I can't do it, the large brick blocking my progress. There are things I want to try- biking (haven't been on a bike in over 10 years), running (still haven't made it for a full run yet), photography (need a new camera), learn to drive a stick (the 1st time was a bit rocky), blogging (need more time to figure it out), learn indesign/photoshop (i feel lost)... the excuses are plentiful.

How do I move forward with progress in my life? When will I reach that happy medium?