Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Struggles

I find with my new diet or rather life style change, I struggle the most with eating at work. I've learned to overcome going out mostly, sometimes if I order something fatty, I don't drink or only one beer, eat half of the portion (especially if I get something fried) and the next day make sure to eat healthy. However at work I want to eat all day long. I don't know if I'm bored or what, but even once I eat, I am thinking about what next.

Usually I have something simple for breakfast- I try to vary what I eat, a yogurt container, egg white from Trader Joes & a fiber cake, Kashi Go Lean Waffles or Heart Healthy Oatmeal and sometimes a piece of fruit. Then 10am hits and I get the hankering for something again, sometimes I ignore the craving or thats when I eat the fruit. But then I start thinking when can I eat lunch. Lunch time comes and it's usually a Trader Joes salad, a healthy microwave meal or one of the good light meals from Subway, Taco Time or my pork noodle bowl from Pho Cyclo. Then I want a snack, string cheese or popcorn and something sweet- a piece of chocolate or a pudding cup. Am I really not eating enough? Or is my body bored? Sometimes I try to curb the craving with water, lots of water, but then I spend half the day peeing. I stopped using my calorie counting website because I was obsessed and always figuring out how to keep my calories lower- note 1000 calories is not enough for someone who works out, you will not lose weight. I have to remind myself, yet, theres a voice in the back of my head that says fewer calories=weight loss, therefore eat next to nothing and you'll lose more.

Some nights I go out, so I eat. But the nights I go the gym and then come home, I have to remind myself to eat. Like last night after going to the toning class that kicks my ass at Rain, I had 5 chicken nuggets from Trader Joes, about 220 calories, that was dinner, that's it. I know I was compensating for the weekend, I had splurged several days, ate out a bunch. My weight was a up a few pounds, so I cut back and now its back to 175, now there could be other factors- salt/water retention etc and building more muscle. At home, I don't have the urge to snack, is it the fact I am distracted by Wow so I'm not mindlessly eating, which is so easy to do at work. I'm not watching tv, which I know I would eat sometimes, but even when I do turn it on, I don't snack. I literally have no snackfoods in the house- except for some animal crackers I just bought so I'd have something. The ice cream in the freezer from months ago remains untouched, I'm just not craving it.

It's actually a goal for my new place to have more food at home, start cooking again- maybe even have people over for dinner so I can get the satisfaction I love from sharing homemade food with others. Open a bottle of wine every once in awhile. Little things that I should do to make home a part of me, but also enjoy food more. Someone made the comment a few months ago as he watched me barely eat one of my favorite dishes at our favorite restaurant, your not eating. I literally didn't even realize that. It was a very healthy meal something as pointed out to me that I would of made for us at home, yet the yearning for it was gone. I read menus, food reviews/articles, everything sounds delicious, I want to try it, but once I get it, theres something lacking. My passion/love food for food is not what it used to be, it's diminished. The only time I really want food is when I'm drunk, yes because my inhibitions telling me not to eat are gone and the world is my oyster. I'm sure its a very familiar struggle for anyone who has lost significant amounts of weight, but I want to overcome this.

1 comment:

scijess said...

Hey, you started on blogspot! I find it easier to write here than on LJ for some reason. Thanks for the comments. I think I have the opposite problem with food than you have right now. I've become even more of a foodie who likes to eat and experiment since I've changed my habits. I love trying new veggies and salads and things, and I cook more now than I ever used to. However, I still have problems saying no to ice cream, chocolate, and peanut butter. So, I have to keep snack foods to a minimum at home and just try to enjoy them when I go out.

I still have an instant reaction to add up the calorie counts of food in my head (it is sad, I remember the calorie counts of most foods that I eat). Once I can stop the damn running total, I think I will finally be able to relax.

I wish someone would have warned me about how difficult it is to go through this process. I'm glad I'm not the only one dealing with the issues that come up after changing your lifestyle. Everyone just says "lose weight, eat right, and you'll fell better." What they don't say is that after living for so long as one thing, it is hard to grasp the idea of being something else, even though you are still the same person. If that makes any sense.