Modern Love: The College Essay Contest - New York Times

Modern Love: The College Essay Contest - New York Times

Dating in your 20's, this article resides all too well in my recent dating adventures. What is the difference between seeing someone, hooking up and dating? Terms I've found myself using to describe my dating enocounters, the need to define the interaction. Our generation seems to lack the commitment gene, both men and women. Its a new game out there. The more liberal and educated we are, the less likely we are to be in a serious relationship. We are supposed to be young and having fun. It's almost an elitist attitude, we look down on our cohorts who have "settled down" had families at a younger age, they haven't "lived life." We are supposed to travel, have the hot fling with the foreign man or woman. Maybe even experiment with our sexuality. I define myself as a heterosexual female, yet often I've said to friends, I'm not against trying anything once, doesn't mean I want to swing that way. Are we too open and free for own good? We are defining our own rules. How many dates before you kiss, have sex or define yourself as a couple? Oddly enough once my father said to me, god the rules have really changed, being a single guy must be great now.

I remember several years ago when I was still in college, I had lunch with my former 5th grade teacher, she and I had become friends. Somehow another NY Times article about my generation came up in conversation, she said to me I hope you aren't hooking up with men. At the time I was too embaressed to admit that I had in fact "hooked up" on several occasions, I smilled politely and said of course not! My secret sexual behavior went into the vault along with my secret smoking habit. I used the excuse, its college, it doesn't matter, I'm supposed to be young and have fun. Yet, like the young college woman in the article, I think I too want commimtment. My brain monograms the towels all too quickly sometimes. Do I admit this to my peers? Not always. Those who are in relationships look fondly at my singleness, they admit how they'd love to be in a relationship. But do they really? They know who they'll go with to the work dinner, they don't have to coerce a friend to go or bring their gay husband that they co-workers know but they've never met the men I actually date. They have someone to tell about their day when they come home. Someone to massage their feet when they hurt. Or just knowing that person is there sometimes helps. The simple acts.

I know my generation will find the balence. But for now, its a turbulent ride. Most of us have experienced it. And we'll continue to make our own rules because lets face it, we're rebels when it comes to protocall. Oh and I know, that through my dating efforts or whatever I have defined my interactions as, when the time comes to monogram the towels, I'll know its right (fingers crossed).