Part of me is back in Seattle, however there is a large part that is not. I am going through the motions, working etc, but something is missing, i'm not quite sure what though. Maybe its because I haven't really seen anyone in the city since I've been back. Normally when I come home after a trip, I am excited to come back, I see familiar building or places, however this time I did not feel the same affinity for my city. Don't get me wrong, I love this city, there are many amazing aspects to Seattle, diversity of culture, something always going on, the rain (yes, i do like the rain at times), restaurants and of course it is liberal like myself. However, part of me thinks that maybe it is wanting change, but not knowing what that change is or rather what makes me unhappy about my current situation. "Motel 6" aka my apartment is feeling more like home, I need to add some more touches to it, make it look decorated, its not quite right and yes, the boxes in the living room have to go. Maybe because I haven't had my normal social events- bowling, kickball, trivia, happy hour etc that keep me going through the week? Work continues to be a struggle, I face similar fustrations that never seem to change and I realize now more than ever I miss challenge. I miss feeling excited about projects. I miss meetings (shhhh don't tell anyone).
I want someone special to share my life with. I feel alone so many times. I don't like coming home to an empty apartment, I want to tell someone about my day. I am grateful for the amazing people in my life- family, friends and even the random people who touch my life. Yet, most of the time I want something more. Discontent seems to be all too famiiliar in my heart. I find solace in it, its like I want to feel that way. I immerse myself in something- right now its Warcraft, wanting to get home to play, not really feeling like leaving the apartment. I even debated happy hour tonight- duh go, don't find reasons not to go. I am craving chocolate like crazy and yes, I ate a whole bag of jalepeno cheese doodle things the other night, that was dinner even though I bough food to cook.
I am sure I will find a happy medium but for now, something isn't right, but I guess my job is to fix it, work on making it right. The other night I was talking to a good friend I hadn't talked to in years, she mentioned she was thinking of trying online dating, so I shared some of the adventures the past few years in online dating- it provided some good laughts but also suggested that maybe I try it again, nothing traumatic nor horrible, thus why should I give up so easily. Yes, one was boring, one we had bad sex and others were just temporary, but each served a purpose and I should remember that.
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i sometimes feel the same way, and i am married, alone can be a wonderfull experence, as well as a chanlenging one, but its a feeling that can be felt with or with out someone, happy hour is something that helps me, but its something i dont recomend, it can be come all consumming....... i think your time is just around the corner, your so young and full of life.
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