Struggles

I find with my new diet or rather life style change, I struggle the most with eating at work. I've learned to overcome going out mostly, sometimes if I order something fatty, I don't drink or only one beer, eat half of the portion (especially if I get something fried) and the next day make sure to eat healthy. However at work I want to eat all day long. I don't know if I'm bored or what, but even once I eat, I am thinking about what next.

Usually I have something simple for breakfast- I try to vary what I eat, a yogurt container, egg white from Trader Joes & a fiber cake, Kashi Go Lean Waffles or Heart Healthy Oatmeal and sometimes a piece of fruit. Then 10am hits and I get the hankering for something again, sometimes I ignore the craving or thats when I eat the fruit. But then I start thinking when can I eat lunch. Lunch time comes and it's usually a Trader Joes salad, a healthy microwave meal or one of the good light meals from Subway, Taco Time or my pork noodle bowl from Pho Cyclo. Then I want a snack, string cheese or popcorn and something sweet- a piece of chocolate or a pudding cup. Am I really not eating enough? Or is my body bored? Sometimes I try to curb the craving with water, lots of water, but then I spend half the day peeing. I stopped using my calorie counting website because I was obsessed and always figuring out how to keep my calories lower- note 1000 calories is not enough for someone who works out, you will not lose weight. I have to remind myself, yet, theres a voice in the back of my head that says fewer calories=weight loss, therefore eat next to nothing and you'll lose more.

Some nights I go out, so I eat. But the nights I go the gym and then come home, I have to remind myself to eat. Like last night after going to the toning class that kicks my ass at Rain, I had 5 chicken nuggets from Trader Joes, about 220 calories, that was dinner, that's it. I know I was compensating for the weekend, I had splurged several days, ate out a bunch. My weight was a up a few pounds, so I cut back and now its back to 175, now there could be other factors- salt/water retention etc and building more muscle. At home, I don't have the urge to snack, is it the fact I am distracted by Wow so I'm not mindlessly eating, which is so easy to do at work. I'm not watching tv, which I know I would eat sometimes, but even when I do turn it on, I don't snack. I literally have no snackfoods in the house- except for some animal crackers I just bought so I'd have something. The ice cream in the freezer from months ago remains untouched, I'm just not craving it.

It's actually a goal for my new place to have more food at home, start cooking again- maybe even have people over for dinner so I can get the satisfaction I love from sharing homemade food with others. Open a bottle of wine every once in awhile. Little things that I should do to make home a part of me, but also enjoy food more. Someone made the comment a few months ago as he watched me barely eat one of my favorite dishes at our favorite restaurant, your not eating. I literally didn't even realize that. It was a very healthy meal something as pointed out to me that I would of made for us at home, yet the yearning for it was gone. I read menus, food reviews/articles, everything sounds delicious, I want to try it, but once I get it, theres something lacking. My passion/love food for food is not what it used to be, it's diminished. The only time I really want food is when I'm drunk, yes because my inhibitions telling me not to eat are gone and the world is my oyster. I'm sure its a very familiar struggle for anyone who has lost significant amounts of weight, but I want to overcome this.